December 12,2012

Hi Friend or someone who got bored and accidentally clicked my blog's link.,

                We're not speaking to each other again,you're probably angry at me and I know I'm not making effort to bring the old us back, I know this is selfish but look it at this way, I won't fall for you again and one day when everything is fine between us , there would be no awkwardness going on. I hate that thing. I'm awkward at this things,Falling in love , Falling out of it,Moving on,Falling back again with that same person.
It sucks right? Why do I have to see you again? Now my feelings came rushing back for you.
I know it was my fault why you're mad at me,it was because of you and our other friend left me and I was not in a good mood on that day, the next day you talked to me inside the convenience store near where we study,it was raining cats and dogs that day, I was smiling at you because the thing is I was not mad at you. like seriously, I mean I am not a shallow person, but to tell you I was just annoyed because you didn't follow me and just ask me why. I mean Friends are suppose to understand each other. I was really expecting that you two will go to me and say sorry because you two were the one who turned your back at me and you know that i was not in the mood for jokes. I just am a worthless friend when you are the great(est) friend I had this year so far,

Just to let you know if you are reading this,I got a call from a friend   last sunday and she was talking about this friend of her that tried to court her,well obviously her friend was a former student in our school and now she rejected that friend and this friend was like bitter to her because she rejected this friend which we will call Mr.Y and my friend Ms.A , Well that sunday night a friend called her and they were in a three way call and Mr.Y don't know about the three way call thing ,and the friend of Ms. A talked to Mr.Y
*The Conversation*
Friend: So I saw your tweets. You are now okay with her?
Mr.Y: We are both okay with each other.
Friend: I wish your relationship will get better just like before.
Mr.Y:Yuck.. EEWWW
-end-

so the whole time that the convo was on going my friend was listening the whole time. She was dumbfounded when she heard it from Mr.Y's voice.. I mean Mr.Y courted Ms.A and they were not in good terms for like 2-4 months. and now when Ms. A hoped she and Mr.Y will be like before like no awkwardness between them Mr.Y "the jerk" said Yuck and Eww to ms.a, like seriously you shouldn't say that just because a person rejected you.

And after that Ms. A called me and she told me everything she was close to breaking down I know she wanted to cry,because hearing your "best friend" say yuck and eww to you is the worse thing.. It feels like you are stabbed in the heart and face palmed. So then Ms.A told me the story how they became not in so good terms. then Ms. A began to say "I miss being weird with her, I mean I miss all the crazy shits we used to do. Its like. All the times she tried to kiss me and all that shits. We were best friends  And I want it to stay like that, But now she doesn't want it like that anymore"

And I began explaining to her that this friend of hers Mr.Y or Ms.Y (any of your choice because I don;t want to be a sexist) (and she is a lesbi) wants them to be More Than Friends, Mr,Y wants to be in a relation ship with Ms.A. and she said Mr.Y always call her 5 in the morning just to say good morning and how much she misses Ms.A. And Ms. A told me she misses that.

I didn't tell Ms.A that maybe she was falling for Mr.Y because everything Mr.Y did to her was all sweet and you know that guy wants in the movies like calling you and just tell you how he misses you.

well the thing is I came there is that Friend,you know who you are and when I was talking to Ms. A and she was telling me how much she misses Mr.Y, It's kinda like this I don't want to say that I missed you but its a little like that I miss how you do things for me. I miss how you text me and we just talk about random things but mostly inside jokes,the shits we done together,and how you walked me to where I will ride home and when the ride is there you kiss me on my cheek and hug me and then that's when you go home and in school we are together, I just miss the old "US" even though there isn't any of us. so the main thing is I MISS YOU,and I am truly sorry I know its my fault :(

                                                                                                        your obviously lame friend, S.

October 29,2012

Dear Friend,

Have you ever been inlove? I mean I'm sure you have. Everybody fell in love and fall out of it and do it all again. Tho that person hurt you ,right? that's how we do it we are looking for that comfort of someone and sometimes we are confused of that feeling that person shows toward us, that's why people are getting hurt. Confused feeling for someone we thought we fell in love with that person but the truth is we are just confused of that feeling that they showed us . The thing is They aren't hurting us they are just showing us kindness and things nice because we are special to them not that special but just friends or maybe,just maybe they feel the same way but they wouldn't want us to know it because they are afraid that we might not feel the same way and get some rejection. Yes, REJECTION. We all hate it  even people who are above or powerful had their rejections moments,even people we see as the little Mr and Ms Perfect. The truth is nobody is excused from getting hurt. Falling in love with the wrong person is part of our life it opens our eyes from the truth of life. The truth that Life is unfair not just for less-previlage people but also for wealthy people. Hurt will choose no one it will just get you just like everything in this word. That's why I don't blame people who I've fallen in love that hurt me 'cause I didn't chose to be inlove with them it just came ..One day I felt that feeling where you can't stop thinking  of that certain person and that you've been waiting for his texts and hoping that he will text you. The good thing is when you're inlove you don't care about any problems you are focused in that someone and you are are doing some great things like you're studying to show that person that you're good enough for them. You do things to impress that person. Sometimes things you do to impress that person is good sometimes its bad so keep in mind that even tho you are in love think of the things you can do to impress that person,if it is wrong or if it right. Or you can just tell them how you feel because you'll never know what will happen if you tell them ,maybe they feel the same way about you,maybe not but the thing is you told him/her.

                                                                                                                                                                    love always,
                                                                                                                                                                             S.xx

October 23,2012

Dear Friend,

Why do people always treat me like I'm a piece of shit? Don't they know that it hurts me so much?
I know I'm not that kind of person who shows their feelings. I just want to be normal tho I know for myself that I am a special weird kid that has her own world,and that my really closest friends know me. I just hate the fact that I was judged by this people at my school don't they know it lower someone's self esteem and that if they continue judging a person that is really fed up with all, it can lead to suicide and suicide is the number one problem of teens now there are many teens who are thinking of committing suicide, I know because I follow suicidal blogs on tumblr. and I talk to them and telling them to feel better about themselves. Just a brief fact of suicide.

Every 30 seconds there is a person who is committing suicide and every day there is about 2,000 people who are committing suicide a day.

I am sad to say that the main cause of it is being judged, bullied, or they are fed up with their life and they just decide to end it. That is how we think now a day, I'm thankful that I'm not yet at that point,but yesterday I almost broke down.... How would you feel when someone told you that you stay away from a person because you're done with him/her? Honestly It hurts me, that was the meanest thing I've ever heard in the past 16 years of my life. I know I'm sometimes rude but to tell you the truth I don't mean that. It's kinda how I tell you that I like you. If I'm very mean to someone that is close to me it means that I love her/him. That's how I role.

To tell you why would say something rude,mean to me we're not even that close - close. tho we're close because I tend to open up with every one because I easily trust someone tho I met you from the internet.

If someone in my school who is reading this: STOP MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE,IT'S ALREADY MISERABLE AND I HATE IT DON'T MAKE ME HATE IT EVEN MORE..Please?
all i'm asking for is a respect and that you should stop judging everyone you will never know when will you last see that person.

                                                                                                                   Love, S

October 22,2012

Dear Friend,

Please don't take this the wrong way but.. I'm avoiding you because... I thought I was falling for you. I don't want to make things awkward for us. You were my closest friend.. When people asked me if you were my best friend.. I don't easily respond to them it takes me time to respond..I always think before I answer them... I felt like I was friend zoned somehow. I always say we are "FRIENDS" because of my lousy excuse that I have so many best friends but I know for my self that I only have 3 Best friends. I can't consider you as my best friend because I was falling for you... I don't know how many months I didn't talk to you but it took me time to realize that I was really getting too attached to you, we were so closed that I thought I was falling for you I got confused by the mixed feeling I felt through the actions you shown to me. So basically I'm blaming you for being sweet to me that I got confused with this stupid emotions. I can't really control how I feel. but please don't say that I am ignoring you on the whole batch or to your friends.
 Its making me the bad guy here tho i feel like i'm the victim of this whole thing. So yesterday our classmate asked me why am I avoiding you.. I told her I just want to. She then answered back immediately and said "Really?, Just tell us you got what you want from her" So I then realized that the story or rumors that were spreading or i don't know maybe just for her, I realized that the way she said it and how she looked at me she thought I was using you, but no i was just avoiding you and let this feeling fade away.. That's all why do people need to judge and they misunderstood everything and it leads to the point that i think that I'm that bad bitch that used someone just for my needs. I hate that feeling because I am not like that I am not a bad person..Okay? So when I got home yesterday I was sick I had a fever and I slept.
 I cried first then I slept. So Friend,I am truly sorry for what have I done. I was just thinking about myself and it didn't cross my mind that you treated me as your best friend and you were hurt? I think. of what I have done. I'm sorry okay? please forgive me..I maybe smiling and all but I am not that happy because I know you are mad at me and that our classmates and your other friends think that I am a user because that's what I heard from a classmate..
                                                                                                           Love,
                                                                                                              S. xx